His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
