well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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