At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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