hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
