i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize