I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
