If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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