I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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