Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
