I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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