Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
