I saw his package. It spoke to me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
