just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
