we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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