Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
