He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
