Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
