There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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