I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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