I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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