Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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