i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
