That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
