there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think your dad took our porno
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
