I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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