I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
