I'm laying in your front yard are you home
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
