yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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