Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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