Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize