i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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