i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
