So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
