So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
