Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
