Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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