I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
