i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I cut my penus on the lid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
