yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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