i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
