words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
