my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's shark week go big or go home
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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