you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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