why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
