I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
