hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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