I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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