oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize