No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
