He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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