I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
