my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
