just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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