I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
