You just made me feel so damn special
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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