matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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