I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
