he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
