The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's blow job season.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
