Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
