when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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