He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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